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Dear Abby: I have been married 36 years to a woman who has saved my life and soul. We are both faithful to God and to our marriage, sharing the love of our family. We are blessed in many ways — including a great son who is self-sufficient and prospering, and a daughter who is married and takes on any challenge with confidence. I have one guilt-filled issue I have never shared with my wife. Prior to meeting her, for nearly 12 years through my military service and college years, I was actively bisexual. I’m not proud of this fact but learned it was more out of loneliness and experimentation than need. This is the only thing I have never shared with my love, and I wonder if I should, as it weighs heavy on my heart. It melts me when she says “I love you” and thanks me for sharing my life with her. I have prayed to God about this. Should I share this with my wife?
Different Person Now
Dear Different: I see nothing positive to be gained by opening this long-closed chapter of your life with your wife at this late date. Because you feel the need to talk about this, do it with your spiritual adviser.
Dear Abby: I am a big-breasted woman who is suffering because of them. My doctor told me I’m a good candidate for a breast reduction, which I am thrilled about. My problem is my husband is 100% against my having the procedure. He gets mad when I bring it up and refuses to budge. I’m a 65-year-old woman with arthritis, which makes my back and neck pain even worse. How can I get him to change his mind? I’m the one who’s suffering, and I don’t think he’s being fair.
Looking for Relief in Florida
Dear Looking: This is not a question of fairness. It’s a question of quality of life. Many women have had breast reduction surgery for the reason you are contemplating it. Your husband may have a breast fetish or possibly regard them as his “property.” I recommend he accompany you to your next doctor’s appointment so the doctor can help him understand why the procedure is necessary and what the result will be afterward. However, in the final analysis, your breasts are yours, not his, and you should be able to do with them whatever you like.
Dear Abby: What does one do in the case of lending out DVDs and never seeing them again? This happened to me at the start of the year. The perpetrators are members of the church I attend. One is the assistant pastor. When I have asked about my DVDs, the borrowers have been very vague. I think those who attend one’s church should be trustworthy. What do you think I should do besides refuse to lend anything?
Miffed in Missouri
Dear Miffed: Your DVDs may have been lost, damaged or loaned to someone else who didn’t return them. In any of those scenarios, the person(s) who failed to return the items should have offered to repay you for them. That no one did reflects badly on the borrowers. That said, there is nothing you can do now besides be less generous in the future.